I used to say “Oh, I don’t know” – and just typed in the search engine the first, most obvious phrases to find the answers. So easy.
How did it happen that recently I said “I don’t know”, “I can not” – and my arms fell? A disaster. End of everything. Because I don’t have money to hire a professional or for a course, I don’t know people who know an can do it perfectly…
Where is the joy of life, passion, interest? Where is the crazy blonde, who is not afraid to admit “I don’t know” – and just asked, search answers, looked for an method to get the effect. Experimentally.
I never had computer science lessons. When I tried to start a freshly bought computer myself, I mounted the monitor on the stand backwards. Screen was somehow strangely down – and then I couldn’t get it out 😉 Not only blonde, but dark blonde… ;-)
I remember how I discovered with amazement that the lady at the post office has the Shift and Alt keys on both sides of the keyboard. When I came back home, I looked at my own… well, I do the same too. 😉 And how much I have sought and asked to write “ź” and not “ż” … but I found it.
Yes, a total self-taught. Nobody showed me how to set up the first e-mail, blog (my first on little “blox” platform, not on a blogspot), how to insert photos, how to use free photo editing software. I just tried everything, I was looking for a hint on the web, I was testing. I advised others, I was proud of myself.
But it was a long time ago…
Powerful blow of truth
When I decided to install Microsoft Money some time ago after reading the blog of Michał Szafrański, I was grateful for the instructional video how to do it, and I was surprised to find that it was the first self-installed program for several YEARS.
I felt it was a bit like my brain had fallen asleep. My interest and readiness for development fell asleep. The stagnation has completely reign in my life.
I rebelled, and I took up the WordPress course (bought on December 1st, it waited six months until I dared to face him). During the course there were several lessons in which you simply had to write something into the search engine, click somewhere, type in and click – it’s so easy!
I realized that if it’s such a surprise, it probably means that lately I was afraid to use Google!
It sounds funny, but it is incredible … WHY?
Fortunately, I am an introvert and I can look inside myself, find the reasons there. Maybe not always and not right away, but it usually goes well. Especially if I’m really surprised by something.
As a result, it came out to me, what was restrained me from searching for any answers:
- I feel overwhelming excess of things to learn and do “on already”, and preferably on yesterday.
- I’m afraid of making mistakes… because
- I’m afraid of critical reviews.
- I feel fear of failure.
FEAR, PERFECTIONISM AND PROCRASTINATION. You know it?
Do you also postpone important activities for later, explaining that you don’t have, don’t know, don’t have time, that you have to refine first, you have to learn, learn … But it surely will take a long time, because it’s so much for refine before you start… And you don’t try search answers, you don’t even write the first search engine keyword?
I don’t want that anymore. I hope you too.
The first step was for me to move to work with the course. Domain and hosting. The plug (this is the page that states that the site is under construction). Two post sketches posted tentatively to see how it looks at all …
It did not look like it. Not as I would like.
Two months have passed, then two more, and I still didn’t have an open blog. Not because it’s so difficult. Because perfectionism didn’t let me.
And yet when I was opened the first blog over nine years ago, I wrote the first, stupid post like “this is my new blog, I create it because …”
I didn’t think then about the perfect size of photos, or about signing them in two languages. Keywords? SEO? The ideal vision of the brand image? Yyyy what?
I just wanted to show what I’m creating – and I did it.
I seriously need a logo and a watermark made in vector graphics? Or it’s enough for me to scan my own drawing, slightly processed in free Gimp?
I have to learn how to use 5 graphic programs to write the first post? And finally start showing all the tatting lace pieces, that have been created in the last three years?
No, I don’t have to be perfect.
Thats why I just wrote this post that you’re just reading. And I’m going to just publish it. Today.
Under this unfit and unmatched banner that still hides in an uncontrollable way. On this template (sorry, “theme” – it is WP) – which looks disappointing for me. I don’t know if I can install Disqus, maybe it will be failured. I don’t have a newsletter. The logo is also in the design phase.
In short: I totally put out my perfectionism.
So what? Can be? Can be!
Ii seems like I have a pretty good “stupid first post” from it. Thanks to that you know something about me.
- You know I’m a dark blonde. Curly-haired – it just matters, and don’t be impressed with the very old photo on the right 😉
- I’m an introvert.
- I have big perfectionism but I’m in rehab.
- I’m a master in postponing and searching for excuses.
- I’m interest of many things and inquisitive (as normally, when I’m not afraid and I’m not overwhelmed by the world ..)
- You know what I’m afraid of (although the points above are still not everything).
- I’m rebellious inside (and shy outside).
- I’m no blog authority, so I will not try to be your Guru 😉
But there is also something you don’t know about me yet. Unless you know me personally or you was a follower of my previous blogs.
Well, I’m passionate.
I have a passion and I intend to develop it.
In fact, everything I do arises from passion. This blog will be about passions, about hobbies, about being myself – and about selfdevelopment.
And about tatting, of course.
And more about tatted lace ;-)
But next time.
How did you like my first post? 😉 For a while, you can write screeming comments about the terrible look of the blog at this post (and only here ;-) ). Or about my terrible english ;-) For some time – I hope – I will be able to enter the next level of blogging. But I have to start with something, NOW.